The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
