I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
