just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
