That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
