Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
