i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
