I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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