Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
bring money and cleavage
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
