I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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