i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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