Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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