Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
did i just pee glitter
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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