i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
