just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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