Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
