Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
