he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sorry about my life...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
