she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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