By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize