Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
