I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
