After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
