I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
