My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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