ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
