just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
