i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
