My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
