Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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