Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
