if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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