Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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