It's like God shit irony all over that family
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
