dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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