she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
