I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
