he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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