i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
