they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
