i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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