I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
