Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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