I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
