Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize