He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i've created a new STD.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
