id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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