you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
