I wish I could teleport
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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