take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
