Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
