I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
