Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
