you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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