I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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