I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
