3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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