Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
