This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
