I want to walk on stilts...naked
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
