I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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