Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
