I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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