we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How naked do you want me to be?
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