if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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