every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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