Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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