Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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