Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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